American Idol: The Old Ruben Serenade

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My DVR cut off the first few minutes of the show, apparently, so I missed Ryan’s intro and was treated to Syesha diva blasting her way through “9 to 5” the second I turned on the show. That’s what nightmares are made of.

Some thoughts on the results show.

1. Michael Johns, you know I love you, but did you really need to wear a T-shirt with Dolly’s face on it? Little scary, buddy.
2. Chikezie in the heezie.
3. The cushy safety sofa and the cold, hard aluminum chairs. Do you think Simon can grasp those metaphors?
4. What was up with Michael John’s little snarl when Ryan called his name? It’s good to go first, MJ. It’s means cushy blue velour is in your future.
5. I never noticed Archu-D2’s breathing thing before. He’s got a bit of the fish mouth going on, like someone advised him to start breathing through his nose but he…just…can’t…do it.
6. I loved Carly’s yellow and white top. Cute.
7. Ryan is so mean to be playing with Carly’s obvious insecurities like that. I happen to be very glad that she was placed safely in the Top 8.
8. Viewer call in segment. Syesha gave the perfunctory “I miss family and friends” answer about yearning for home. David Cook yearns for more organization. Randy wants to work with the next American Idol winner on Randy Jackson’s Country Music Bonanza Spectacular Club LXVIII. David Cook and Michael Johns are planning on performing the romantic duet “Islands in the Stream” on the Idols Live! Tour this summer. And then there was the weekly pointless Simon question.
9. The Next Great American band “winners” showed up to play “This Little Light of Mine.” When and where did that show ever actually air?
10. Lead singer of the Clark Bros. or whatever looks a lot like Jeremy from “Dirty Sexy Money.” I miss that show.
11. Kristy Lee should hook up with either of the bookending Clark brothers as they all seem to be riding the same imaginary horse when they perform.
12. All told, the Clark Bros. were pretty good.
13. Who was the Botoxed to death woman in the red patterned shirt they kept showing?
14. Ford commercial time! The whitest Idols in the history of the show performing a song by Run-DMC taking on a street ball team. Hmm…Something smells a little rotten in Denmark. But David Cook has got himself some hops.
15. Ramiele. What the hell were you wearing? Let’s dissect this for a moment. A black button down vest over a HUUUGE white T-shirt and black leggings with brown knee high boots. Stumpy supreme. Was she taking fashion tips from Claudia Kishi?
16. Kristy Lee Cook is officially the sparkle queen.
17. Backhanded compliment from the Paula. “Ramiele had a good night for Ramiele.” Yeowch.
18. Looks like Nashville has turned into a former Idol contestant commune. It’s probably comforting for Kristy to know what when her time on the show is up, she can meet up in Tennessee with Bucky Covington, Bo Bice, and Phil Stacy.
19. Syesha is coming out before Jason and Brooke. Shocker. She’s safe. And I’m glad.
20. Why does Brooke keep harping on Simon about the violinist? He wasn’t saying anything about the man personally. Brooke, stop talking.
21. Brooke is in the bottom three! Craziness. I like it.
22. Miley Cyrus on “Idol Gives Back!” I’m there!
23. I’m sorry, but two minutes of Ryan talking about Ethiopia while Bono sings and millions of people sit at home waiting impatiently to find out if the little karaoke girl, the horseback rider, or nanny is going home is really not going to help the plight of the Africans. Save the charity for “Idol Give Back,” please.
24. Dolly sure is skinny. You could grate cheese on that breastbone.
25. I really want to watch “Steel Magnolias” right about now.
26. Brooke is crying! She hates being in the bottom three! But she loves Jesus and gravity.
27. Ramiele is going home! The Idol gods are kind and just.